


101 Things That Never Happened In Bristol

by Lunaris (lunaris1013), Mercystars (lunaris1013)



Category: Pundit RPF (US)
Genre: Drabble Sequence, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-01-09
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 59
Words: 5,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaris1013/pseuds/Lunaris, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaris1013/pseuds/Mercystars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of 101 drabbles of 101 words about Dan & Keith's days at ESPN. All ratings, some slash, some gen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hockey Puck

**Author's Note:**

> It started with a cracktastic drabble prompt - hockey puck. It made me write a scene that never really happened between Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann during the heyday of The Big Show on ESPN. That, in turn, put the phrase "101 Things That Never Happened In Bristol" into my brain. It also made me wonder if I could write 101, 101 word drabbles about Dan and Keith. All drabbles are to be set during the time period between 1992 and 1997 when Dan and Keith were actually, y'know, in Bristol.
> 
> This was originally a LJ challenge comm with two other authors. They aren't represented here (hence the odd chapter numbering). Hopefully I'll be able to eventually fill in the blanks.

His missing sock was somewhere, and Dan wasn't going home without it. He sat on Keith's bed and glanced around the room. Finally, he got down on the floor and peered underneath. No sock, but something else was there.

"Why is there a hockey puck under your bed?"

Keith blushed as he pulled up his boxers. "Joe Sakic kicked it under there."

"Go on. I'm listening."

"We had a little misunderstanding after the interview last week."

"A misunderstanding?"

"He asked me if I'd like a puck, so I told him to come over."

"You didn't..."

"He's an attractive man, Danny."


	2. Kentucky Fried Chicken

"You do this to torture me."

Dan looked up from his desk to see Keith had returned from his lunch engagement. He swallowed, tossing the remainder of the biscuit into the box. "No, I do this to eat. If I did this as torture, I'd do it in your presence."

"But you always leave behind reminders," Keith said, holding up a shot sheet full of greasy fingerprints as evidence. "And that wonderful smell lingers all afternoon. You know I can't eat the stuff."

"It's not my fault the Colonel wrapped his eleven herbs and spices in wheat flour."

"It's torture, Dan."


	3. Metabolism

They stood in front of this mirror nearly every night, putting on their show faces. But it wasn't until tonight that Dan really compared their bodies. Nearly the same height, Keith's extra half inch was as important to him as getting the last word. He also had a few extra pounds on Dan, which wasn't quite the same point of pride. While Dan had once been an athlete and still tried to keep in shape, Keith had the build of a dedicated geek; soft around the middle, showing an inclination toward middle-age spread. And that's just the way Dan liked him.


	4. Stapler

"Why must you always take things from my desk when you have your very own versions right there?" Keith grabbed his stapler off Dan's desk.

"Your stapler is better than mine."

"That's ridiculous. My stapler is exactly the same as yours!"

"It's more fun to use _your_ stapler."

"That makes even less sense than saying my stapler is better than yours!"

"It's fun to use your stapler because you always get like this when I take it without asking first and don't return it right away."

"And that amuses you because...?"

Dan grinned. "Because you're so cute when you're like this!"


	5. Hardwood Floors

"Wow! This is nice! I'm impressed!" Dan remarked.

"Really makes the place look nicer, doesn't it? Cleaner, larger...something."

"But you know, hardwood floors can be cold in the mornings."

"I'll just have to start wearing socks to bed, then, won't I?"

Dan chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh...I'm just picturing you getting out of bed in the morning, strolling into the kitchen, making coffee, sitting down to read the papers...in nothing but a pair of socks!"

"Oh, for Pete's sake! I'd put on boxers and a robe, too, you know!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!"


	6. Darts

"For a guy who claims he has no depth perception, you're sure good at throwing those damn things!"

"Oh, that's nice. Accusing me of faking a disability because I'm kicking your ass at darts? I had no idea you were such a sore loser!" Keith tsk-tsked and shook his head exaggeratedly.

"I keep hoping that the more you have to drink, the worse you'll play!" said Dan, signaling the waitress for two more. "But it's like you're only getting better! I have the strange feeling I'm being hustled for drinks!"

"I'd trust those instincts..." Keith replied, throwing yet another perfect bullseye.


	7. Matches

She doesn't remember when it started, but it's been constant for months now. Whenever Sue takes Dan's suits to the cleaners, there are books of matches in his pockets. Little souvenirs of the places he's been - hotels, restaurants, bars - when he's out covering games or having meetings. It wasn't until today that she figured out why.

It's just another Saturday afternoon, barbecuing in the back yard, and Keith pulls out one of his cigars. He pats his pockets then looks at Dan, who immediately reaches for the matchbook he dutifully remembered to put in his own pocket that morning.


	8. Magnets

"What's so funny?" Keith asked.

"Our renegade poet has struck again!" Dan chuckled.

"Oh...those word magnet things on the fridge in the breakroom...?"

"Yeah. The latest one says _'Hands off the grape pop/ In this refrigerator/ It belongs to me'!_"

Keith didn't look up from his crossword puzzle. "Well, maybe you should stop drinking other people's pop, Dan."

After a few minutes of silence, Dan asked, "How do you know I'm the one drinking it?"

Keith put his paper down and walked over to Dan's desk. He tipped Dan's chin up and kissed him, tasting grape soda.

"Just a hunch."


	9. Lemon-scented

"You certainly came prepared!"

"Well, I was a Boy Scout, you know. Over, please."

Keith rolled onto his stomach and rested his head on his folded arms. Dan straddled his bare thighs and Keith felt the oil dribbling on his skin. Dan's two stong, sure hands began massaging in lazy circles, starting at Keith's lower back and working their way slowly upwards.

"Mmmm...lemon-scented massage oil? Dan, I'm going to wind up smelling like a polished antique oak credenza!"

"I'm not the one who's allergic to almonds. Besides, the almond oil doesn't heat up when you blow on it, like this..."


	10. Jungle

"Graceland?"

"It's a thing, Dan."

"It's a thing that's twelve hundred miles away!"

"We could stop in Ohio and visit your folks."

"I can get in an airplane and visit my folks."

"We could sleep in the twin beds in your old room…"

"Oh no. Don't get any ideas! Keith, I am not driving halfway across the country so you can go to Graceland."

"Graceland demands a road trip, Dan! It's the call of the open road! Two cool cats getting their kicks on Route 66!"

"I'm not driving you halfway across the country so you can see the Jungle Room!"


	11. Pomegranate

This wasn't going well. Had he made a mistake? Did he misread all the signals? Or was Dan just as nervous as he was? Beer. If they both had a beer they'd loosen up enough to get past this awkward, first-date stage.

"Beer?"

"Sure… er, no."

"It's a beer, Dan. Not a pomegranate." Dan just looked at him like he was a bigger idiot than he already felt. "Persephone couldn't leave Hades after eating the pomegranate. A beer does not mean you have to stay here and do something you don't want to do."

Dan looked up. "I want to stay."


	12. Green

"Well...?"

"That's...um...hmm..." Dan stifled a laugh.

"What? Come on, tell me!"

"Well, no...I mean...it's certainly green, isn't it...?"

Keith nodded incredulously. "Yes, it certainly _is_ green...what's wrong with it?"

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, did I?"

"You didn't have to! Look, throw me a bone here...you're the one with the wife!"

"What difference does that make?"

"Maybe some of her good taste has rubbed off, and you can use it to help me."

"All right then. Take that off, and put this one on," Dan said, handing Keith the burgundy blazer.


	13. Robot

"Oh, shit, again with the robots..."

"All I want to know is, where's mine?!?"

"How many times have we gone over this? The technology--"

"Doesn't exist, I know that!" Keith said. "But I can't help but be disappointed! I watched Star Trek, I watched Space 1999! For all intents and purposes, I should be laying on my couch in a semi-vegetative state now, with an entire army of robots doing my bidding! But no, I still have to do everything myself! What a gyp!!!"

"You're gonna keep on saying that, aren't you?"

"Until I get my own robot army, you betcha!"


	14. Interstate

The rain poured down in a solid sheet of wetness, causing the car to be filled with a dull roar from its fury.

"How do you talk me into these things?"

"I have supernatural powers of coercion over you." This statement was punctuated, as if on cue, by a lightning flash.

"Wanna climb in the back seat and make out?"

Keith eyed Dan warily. "Do you think either one of us could climb into that back seat without injury?"

"Wanna make out in the front seat?"

"And hope that the tow truck driver, If he ever arrives, isn't a SportsCenter fan?"


	15. Groceries

Dan rummaged around in Keith's refrigerator, looking for something to eat. There were several unopened bottles of water, some mustard, a jar with two olives in it, and an old carton of what appeared to be beef with broccoli, or at least had been in a past life. Dan wrinkled his nose and went to the cupboard, but fared no better. A half-empty jar of peanut butter, but no bread. A can of fruit cocktail that bulged suspiciously at either end. He slammed the cupboard shut.

"Come on." he said.

"Where are we going?" Keith asked.

"To get you some groceries!"


	16. Pinup

Shortly after they started working together on the air every night, the fan letters started to arrive. Mostly they were addressed to Keith, but Dan got his fair share as well. Sometimes the envelopes contained pictures. Their female fans came in all shapes, sizes and, most amusingly, states of undress.

They kept them in file folder labeled "pinups" in the drawer between their desks. Eventually there were two, then three of these folders. About a month after Keith left, Dan sent them to Keith's new office, overnight, on ESPN's dime. It was the best office warming gift Keith had ever received


	17. Lipstick

She would have preferred it was lipstick, that was something she knew how to deal with. Her husband didn't come home with another woman's lipstick on his collar though, he came home smelling of another man's aftershave.

She understood that Dan and Keith were close; that much was obvious to anyone in their vicinity. What she didn't understand, or maybe just didn't want to admit, was how close they had become. All the signs pointed to Dan having an affair, except that he was always with Keith. Now she had the last piece of the puzzle. Now the picture was complete.


	18. Water Bottle

Their flight had been delayed. They'd spent well over an hour just sitting on the runway, waiting for takeoff. It could've been worse, Keith thought, they could've been sitting in coach rather than first class. Well, they were in the air now and everything was dark and quiet in the cabin. He leaned the seat back and adjusted his pillow (Keith always brought his own pillow).

Dan had been quiet for the past half hour. Keith looked at his friend in the next seat, sipping from that same water bottle.

"Is that vodka in there?" Keith asked.

"You betcha," Dan grinned.


	19. Hook

"The previous occupants probably used it to hang a plant." Dan reached up and tried to dislodge the hook in the ceiling, then turned to Keith with a mischievous look. "It's in there pretty solid."

"Just what do you have in mind?"

"Take off your shirt."

In the second it took for Keith to pull the polo over his head, Dan had reached into the drawer and pulled out the handcuffs. Keith grinned and held out his wrists. "If that comes out of the ceiling, you're fixing it."

Dan hooked Keith's bound hands above his head. "Oh, it'll be worth it."


	20. Bells

"You can't not go to this luncheon, Keith. It won't look good."

"You know how much I hate these things! I'm not a good schmoozer, Dan...you're so much better at it than I am!"

"What is so difficult about eating a plate of food in a tuxedo and making small talk afterwards?"

"How about everything you just described!!

"Keith...look. Do this for me, and I'll do something extra special for you."

"Extra special, eh? Are we talking about what I think we're talking about?"

"All that and more," Dan said.

"In that case, I'll be there with bells on!"


	21. Cowboy Boots

"How long have you had those things, anyway?"

"Forever and a day."

"Mmm. They look like it. Ever consider getting new ones?"

"Nope. It took me years to get these broken in just right."

"You don't seem like the type at first, but they do a lot for you."

"Thank you, Dan."

"And you know something else? They do a lot for me, too. I never thought I'd find a pair of beat-up, dusty old cowboy boots sexy. You truly give new meaning to the phrase 'cowboy up'."

"Especially since they're all I have on..."

"Well, that goes without saying, buckaroo."


	22. Tissue

"Keith, you've been acting weird for days..."

"Weird like how, exactly...?"

"You're too mellow! Where's the wired, acerbic Keith Olbermann I used to know? What have you done with him?!"

"Deep-tissue massage...I've been getting one every week."

"Okay...I was worried about you for awhile there, big guy."

"It's almost better than sex."

"Really?" Dan sniffed.

"Almost. Maybe you could help me out and take a class, Dan...it's kind of expensive."

"Uh-huh. And what makes you think I wouldn't charge you?"

"You'd charge me? Your best friend? For a massage? I'm hurt!"

"Not like you're about to be, smart-ass."


	23. Mark Grace

"Did I win?"

"Dan, I just got back. I spent four hours at O'Hare waiting for a plane that was delayed for two hours to begin with. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I don't want to have this conversation right now."

"Touchy touchy! Besides, I happen to know I won."

"And how would you know that?"

"I spoke to a certain Cubs first baseman this morning."

Keith glared at Dan. "You what?"

"He called the office. Seems you left his apartment without your jacket. Now pay up."

"That proves nothing."

"Admit it. You slept with him."

"Alright! Here's your twenty bucks!"


	24. Apology

"I believe you owe me an apology."

"For that? Are you kidding me? It's not like I yelled someone else's name out or anything...!"

Dan folded his arms across his chest and glared.

"Uh-oh...am I in trouble now?"

Dan continued to scowl.

"Awww, don't be like this! In a few minutes I'll be good as new!"

"I'm waiting."

Keith flashed his best bedroom eyes. "Oh, all right...I'm sorry," he purred, rolling over and kissing Dan's stomach, working his way down, slowly lapping, kissing him tenderly. "You just feel so good, it's hard to help myself sometimes!"

"Mmm...liberal apologist...!"


	25. Masks

"What's that?" Keith asked.

"Just turn around and close your eyes."

Keith shot Dan an apprehensive glance, but did as he asked. "Is that a mask...? A blindfold. What exactly do you have in mind? Do I at least get a final cigarette?"

"Stop asking questions and just be quiet, already!" Dan said, tightening the blindfold.

"Are we going to reinact that scene from 9 11/2 Weeks...?"

"Hmmm..."

"Oh no..._not_ that scene from Pulp Fiction!"

"I'm starting to wish I'd brought a gag with me, Keith."

"Sure, play on my innermost f--ooooohhhhh...!"

From his postion on the floor, Dan just grinned.


	26. Trunk

"What the hell is that?"

Dan blinked and looked around, puzzled. "What the hell is what?"

"We're only going to be in Miami for four days, and you've got a steamer trunk there you could fit a small country into! You're going to have to check that, you know!"

Dan sighed. "Quit bitching. My wife wants me to go shopping for her while we're down there. I've got to have something to put it all in."

"Ooooo, are you going to be trying on little pink frilly things? Can I watch? Can I, Dan?"

"Let's go get on the plane, asshole."


	27. Poker

"I'd say you were cheating, but I have no idea where you're hiding your cards."

"Accusations...the last resort of the sore loser!" Dan crowed. "Come on, smart-ass, let's see some skin!"

Keith began unbuckling his belt.

"Oh no, not like that! I want a floor show! Impress me!"

Keith rolled his eyes and stood up. Fixing his gaze on Dan, he belted out 'The Stripper' as he unzipped his pants. Turning around, he looked coyly back over his shoulder and winked, dropping both pants and shorts and wiggling his bare ass.

"Bedtime!" said Dan, tossing the cards over his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know David Rose's The Stripper is an instrumental. Let's just say Keith is going "Duhhhhh nuh nuh nuhhh, nuh nuh nuh nuhhhh...", okay?


	28. Shave

"Keith? There's something…"

Keith mumbled, "Mm hmm.." as he kissed Dan's neck and continued to work his way past his fly.

Dan just smiled to himself and relaxed against the stall wall, waiting for the reaction. It didn't take long before Keith stopped mid-grope.

"Dan?"

"I tried to tell you."

"_Shaved?_"

"The wife was feeling especially frisky last night."

Keith went back to his fondling with renewed vigor. "Remind me to do something nice for her. I swear if I wasn't in a suit I'd be on my knees right now."

"We'll get you out of it right after the show."


	29. Water

Dan stood outside the bathroom, listening to Keith's voice resonating from the shower: _"Ohhhh, the water, ohhhh-hhh, the water...ohhhh, the water...hope it don't rain all day...!"_

The song was familiar, and Dan cocked his head, trying to place the lyrics.

_"The rain let up and the sun came out, and we were getting dry...almost let a pick-up truck nearly pass us by..."_

Keith had a nice singing voice, in spite of what he said about it.

"Van Morrison?" asked Dan, when Keith got out.

"'And It Stoned Me'...yeah. Listening in...?"

"I am your biggest fan, you know."


	30. UPS

"What's in the box?" Dan asked.

"Cigars."

Dan raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Having them shipped UPS from down the street is kinda lazy, don't you think...?"

"These aren't from down the street."

"No?"

"No. These are special."

Dan blinked. "Oh my God...are those the _Cohibas?!_"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"Oh come on, they're not going to haul you off to jail for that!"

"I know, I just don't wanna have to share them!"

"You're gonna share with _me_, though, right...?"

"If you're a good boy."

"Uh-huh...and what do I have to do to be a good boy...?"

"Oh...I'll think of something."


	31. Cigar

"Mmmm...now _that_ is a good cigar!" Keith said.

"Well, you know what Rudyard Kipling said, 'A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.'"

Keith snorted. "Rudyard Kipling had obviously never been properly fucked."

"Ooooh, I love it when you talk dirty!"

"So I gathered. Just don't fall asleep with that burning, okay? I don't want the bed to catch fire."

"Are you kidding? When I'm done with this, you are going to give me another one."

"I told you, you're going to have to earn them."

Dan grinned.

"You're not getting the whole box!"

"I'm gonna try!"


	32. Bridge

Keith rested his cigar on the edge of the table and took his shot. The cue skirted the five and knocked in the nine-ball. "I get the feeling I'm being hustled."

"Hustled? Why I'm hurt, KO. If I was trying to hustle you," Dan shot and made the 11 ball combo, "would I have handicapped the game by giving you four balls off the table?"

"I suppose not." Keith stood back and watched as his partner picked up the bridge and made what looked to be an impossible lie, knocking the 15 into the side pocket.

"I'm just a lucky shot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Offering your opponent four balls off the table is a classic 8-ball hustle. With your opponent's balls out of the way, it's easier to clear your own off the table to get to the 8.


	33. Bond

She saw it that very first time they'd been introduced. "Sue," Dan had said, leaving her side and throwing his arm around the other man, "this is my buddy Keith." Even then, when they didn't see each other often, it was apparent they had a special connection. If she were to be overly dramatic she might call them soul mates.

But now? Well, she strongly suspected they were now lovers; maybe had been back then. Even if it were true, Dan still always put her and the kids first. That was probably as much Keith's doing as Dan's; alleviates the guilt.


	34. Balls

"Dan...!"

Backed into a corner, Keith's shoulders ground against the cool tile walls and Dan was teasing him, fondling him through his trousers and nipping his neck. Keith was so hard--Dan was being unmerciful — and how dangerous was it to make out in public, _in the men's room_, for chrissakes? His cock surged in Dan's palm.

"Dan, please...my balls are going to explode...!"

"We'd better stop, then," Dan smirked, and then he turned on his heel and left the bathroom, abandoning Keith in the corner, panting and aching.

"Just you wait, Dan," Keith breathed to himself. "Just you wait."


	35. Jacket

"When did you get that?" Dan asked.

"In high school," Keith replied. "Why?"

"No reason."

A minute or so later, Dan coughed rather obviously.

"What?"

"Well, it's nothing, really. It's just that...well, you don't usually see too many grown men--er, I mean, men your age, you know, wearing their high school baseball jackets, is all. It's a little...well, different."

"I just don't like to throw things out, Dan. And it's a comfortable jacket."

"So it's like those beat-up boots of yours, then."

"Exactly. I'm easily attatched to comfy old things." Keith grinned, placing an arm around Dan's shoulder.


	36. Hat

"Oh, for the love of...you're not going to actually wear that in public, are you?!" Keith asked.

"Wear what?"

"That thing, that ridiculous hat! Why don't you just make one of those giant cardboard D's and big cardboard fence to go with it? Or take your shirt off and paint some sort of cryptic message on your chest?"

"This is my football game-going hat. If you don't like it, I am sorry, but you'll just have to get used to it." Dan sniffed.

Keith sighed. "Maybe it won't look as silly with a couple of beers in the holders..."


	37. Thumbtacks

"Niiiiiiiiiice." said Keith. "Really adds some class to the joint, don't you think?"

"Okay...I can almost taste the sarcasm in your voice," Dan said. "What's wrong?"

"A centerfold calendar? Tacked to the wall in your office? A little high-school, don't you think?"

"Oh come on," Dan chided. "It's a promo! And Angela's wearing a bikini, you can't even see anything!"

"Angela...?!"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous."

"That's me, jealous of a piece of paper. Do you wanna get sued for sexual harassment?"

"You make a centerfold calendar, and I'll replace Angela with you."

"Wise ass."


	38. Taxi

Dan paid the driver and the two of them spilled out of the taxi giggling like schoolgirls. Keith looked up and down the street; it was relatively deserted, at least by Manhattan standards. He dragged Dan into a deep doorway and began kissing him roughly and passionately.

"When I met you nearly ten years ago, if anyone had told me that on my 35th birthday you'd give me a blow job in the back of a cab I would have called them crazy."

"Are you kidding? You almost got one the day we met."

Keith just laughed and kissed him again.


	39. Ham

Keith ambled into the bedroom, a towel around his waist. "Mmmmm, something smells good," he said.

"I ordered breakfast while you were in the bathroom." Dan replied, sipping coffee as he flipped through the morning papers.

"And it's here already? Impressive room service, no?"

"No, actually...you were in the bathroom for nearly an hour, prima donna."

Keith smirked. "Ha ha. So...what's for breakfast?"

"Ham, scrambled eggs, toast and jam, black coffee and OJ. I had them send some rice cakes, too, since you don't do toast."

"Awww, you think of everything."

"That's why I get the big money, babe."


	40. Aquarium

"Happy birthday, buddy!" Dan exclaimed.

"Uh...thank you! What's this...?" Keith gestured at the large covered object against the wall in his office. "And why is it making that noise...?"

"_Voila!_" said Dan, removing the covering with a flourish. "It's an aquarium!"

"Yes, I can see that, thank you, Dan...but what's it doing in my office?" Keith asked, stepping closer and peering through the glass.

"It's your birthday present from me!" Dan noted Keith's expression. "Whassamatter, don't you like it?"

"It's nice, Dan...but you know I can barely take care of myself, let alone a tankful of dependent fish."


	41. Aspirin

Dan handed Keith a glass of water to wash down the aspirin, then felt the top of his head. "You do have a goose egg up there."

Keith glared at him and swallowed the tablets. "Yes, well, I did hit it pretty hard."

"I am sorry." Dan tried hard to suppress his laughter.

Keith set down the glass and looked up at his partner, grinning back at him in spite of himself. "My own fault. I should have known better."

"Yeah. 'Harder Dan! Harder!' isn't the best thing to say when your skull is only an inch away from the headboard."


	42. Hot

Sue looked across the crowded ballroom to see Keith and his date arrive. She was the kind of high-maintenance beauty that she used to fear being replaced by. That is, until she figured out that her husband only had eyes for her — and Keith.

"So who's that with Keith?"

"That's Tiffani-with-an-I," Dan replied. "She's a friend of somebody's sister's cousin or something like that."

"She's gorgeous. I'd go so far as to say she's hot. Think it'll last this time?"

Dan looked over and caught his partner's eye. Keith looked back, silently and discreetly expressing his exasperation.

"Nah. It never does."


	43. Pier

"I never pegged you for a 'long walks on the beach' kind of guy, Keith."

"It's not something that comes up in everyday conversation, especially in the middle of January."

Dan stopped walking. "Your face is red! Are you blushing?!"

"No, Dan. In case you hadn't noticed, it's twenty below!"

"You're just a romantic at heart, aren't you!"

"Dan...it's _freezing_."

"All right...tell you what. There's a cozy little restaurant at the end of the pier that makes the best hot toddies. What say we go spend the afternoon downing a few?"

"That's the best idea you've had all day."


	44. Yardstick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Following up on #61...)

In spite of his protestations to the contrary, Dan was sure he'd kissed first. It was Keith who suggested continuing though, and he's the one who crossed the line into the realm of tongue and teeth and heavy breathing. Dan had never kissed anyone who tasted of wine and cigars, warm and passionate and masculine, and he never wanted this to end. His mind kept telling him it was wrong, by any yardstick used to measure who he was


	45. College

Dan watched his spent cock being licked thoroughly clean. "Why do I get the impression you've done this before?"

Blushing, Keith avoided Dan's gaze as he swiped his thumb across his chin then licked it. "Because, I, uh, _have_ done it before?"

"I don't know whether to be thankful you know what you're doing or disappointed I wasn't your first."

Keith laid his head on Dan's knee and grinned at him. "Cornell gave me quite the well-rounded education, Dan. If you're not thankful now, you will be next time."

"I always thought the Ivy League was a breeding ground for perverts."


	46. Playboy

"I stole it from my dad's sock drawer, of course. Then I couldn't put it back because the pages were stuck together. You?"

"My dad wasn't the centerfold type. He kept trashy pulp novels in the nightstand," Keith replied. "I learned about sex from books like Bedtime Blonde."

"That's why you never shut up during sex - it was all words in your formative years."

This remark earned Dan a bludgeon over the head with a pillow.

"When did you first get curious about other guys? High school locker room?"

Dan nodded. "But I never did anything about it until you."


	47. Gold

It's not like he doesn't know, Keith was there to witness the vows. Therefore it isn't anything Dan feels he needs to hide. Though sometimes Keith needs him to hide it, to pretend that he isn't married. Still that band of gold is always there on his lover's left hand as a reminder. He sees it when Dan reaches out for him. He feels it when Dan cradles his head when they kiss. It's left an imprint on his skin in the throes of passion. It's always there, that little golden reminder, making sure he doesn't get too comfortable, too possessive.


	48. Orange

"Why are you calling the studio on your night off?"

"Why do you look orange Dan?"

"I don't look orange. That's the picture on that antique TV that you refuse to replace."

"There's nothing wrong with my television. I'm telling you, you look orange! Berman doesn't look orange."

"Why are you even watching the show? Didn't you have a date tonight?"

"I did. "

"And?"

"And… now I'm at home watching the show. You didn't try that tan-in-a-can again, did you?"

"You're supposed to be out getting laid."

"That's your job."

"So it is."

"Orange, Dan."

"I'm hanging up now, Keith."


	49. Vibrator

One hand grips the sheets, twisting and pulling until the corner of the mattress is laid bare. The other is wrapped behind the head of his partner, guiding and stroking, fingers moving through the short brown hair, using every bit of restraint to keep from giving in and roughly fucking that mouth.

Teeth gently grazing the underside of his cock, and he bucks just a little. Close, so very close. A nip inside his thigh tells him to wait. No longer on the brink, he relaxes, anticipates, hears the familiar buzz. He feels the cool slickness enter, quickly finding its target.


	50. Wallpaper

"Where have you been?"

"Down in graphics having these scanned." Keith dropped the envelope on his desk and sat down at his computer, quickly becoming engrossed in something.

"What are you doing?"

With a final click of the mouse, he sat back and admired his work. "Changing my Windows background."

Dan moved to stand behind his partner and look at the monitor. There was one of the catch phrase illustrations sent to Keith by the parents of the autistic boy who drew them. A boy who hadn't spoken until he said one of Keith's catchphrases.

"Good choice."

"Yeah, I thought so."


	51. Pink

It was meditative — the headphones, the darkness, the floor, the smoke — and it had become ritual. Pink Floyd with the shades drawn.

_Come on, now  
I hear you're feeling down_

When Keith needed to sulk after a lover's quarrel he retreated to this like a security blanket. This is what it took to get him ready for what came next.

_There is no pain, you are receding  
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon_

These days though, the smoke came from a cigar instead of a bong.

_I have become comfortably numb_

He finally dialed the phone.

"Dan? I'm sorry."


	52. Beach

A warm ocean breeze accompanied the morning sunlight coming through the open balcony door. Dan stretched, luxuriating in being away from not only the cold of the northeast, but in the ability to wake up next to Keith. Mornings like this were his favorite part of the annual ritual of spring training.

"Let's play hooky today."

Keith rolled over, regarding Dan as though he were insane. "Are you suggesting that the beach is somehow better than the ballpark?"

"I'm suggesting that bed is better than either."

"Anyplace I have you naked is automatically better."

"I knew you'd see it my way."


	53. Bowl

"I'm still amazed that you do this completely without irony."

"Don't start with the Ivy League elitism."

"Don't start with the Midwestern bourgeoisie whining."

"I'm not the one whining."

"Well look at this," Keith said, frowning at his feet, "how does anyone wear shoes this ugly without irony?"

Dan just glared at Keith.

"Look, if you didn't want to do this why did you agree to it?"

"I thought it would be fun. Then I got here and saw you wearing a shirt with your name embroidered on it and remembered that you take this seriously."

"Sport of kings, my friend."


	54. Mailbox

"What's the matter, you're...distracted today or something."

"Eh...I've been getting mash notes recently."

"Mash notes, Gracie?"

"Yeah, you know, anonymous notes in my mailbox that go on in great detail about what the author would like to do to me."

"Very interesting!"

"You don't seem concerned about it."

"Why should I be? I'm not the one getting them. Besides, it sounds kinda hot."

"The one I got yesterday went on about how the writer wants to tie me to a bed and lick every inch of me. It's graphic...and strangely accurate."

"And you're complaining?"

"It's your handwriting, Dan."


	55. Phone Book

It wasn't so much a phone book as a collection of napkins, sticky notes, matchbook covers and miscellaneous scraps of paper with names and numbers scrawled on them, all held together with a jumbo paper clip. He kept in his wallet right behind his driver's license. He pulled off the paper clip and the bottom-most page fell to the desk. Blue ballpoint in a familiar scribble on a sheet from an ESPN notepad. No name, just ten digits starting with Bristol's area code. He hadn't looked at it for years; the number was indelibly etched in his memory from constant use.


	56. Pitcher's Mound

"Don't you find it interesting that you've never played the game professionally?"

"Mmmm...not especially. Why?"

"Oh...just the way you live and breathe it, I always assumed you had the desire to play, and maybe some regrets that you never did. Because I can see you at the plate, knocking one out of the park, just for me."

"Aren't you romantic...!"

"You'd make a good manager."

"Mmm."

"I can see you on the mound, pitching a perfect game."

"Just for you?"

"Just for me."

"How about catching? Do you see me as a catcher?"

"You bet I do...roll over!"


	57. Chapter 57

The other side of the bed was cold. He didn't bother with glasses, just rolled out of bed and padded to the kitchen. He saw a Dan-shaped blur next to the counter and moved towards it. Keith slid his hands around the waist, and into the front of the boxers his partner wore. Dan leaned back against Keith's chest and arched into his touch before turning to face him. They kissed slow and deep; Keith's hands gripping Dan's ass, Dan's hands scratching down Keith's back. They went on this way until the smoke alarm let them know Dan's toast was burning.


	58. Sunburn

"Dammit!" Keith swore to himself as he rummaged through the suitcase.

"Where the hell is it?!?" He was now flinging clothes over either shoulder.

"Oh for Pete's sake, use mine," Dan said.

"It's purple, Dan, I don't want purple!"

"Now you sound like my kids. What difference does the color make?"

"Purple looks ridiculous," Keith grumbled. "Great. I can't find it. I must've lost it!"

"Here," Dan said, tossing the little pot to Keith. "Just put this on and let's go."

"Fine...but we're finding a drugstore on the way back," Keith griped, smearing his nose with the purple zinc cream.


	59. Car

The boxes and furniture had left the day before, though there were still real estate papers to sign today. Afterwards, there was lunch and small talk and beer at that little bar they favored.

There was limited appeal to a bare floor in an empty house, but that's where they held each other for the last time, where they last kissed. Keith left the key on the kitchen counter and then Dan drove him to the train station.

The words "good-bye" weren't spoken, just "I'll talk to you later." It wasn't good-bye, but it was an ending.

And a new beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> _Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual person is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person)._
> 
> _Any mention of any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material._


End file.
